I sit down with my computer, trying to figure out how to put words to my feelings. It was a pretty normal morning, nothing too exciting, nothing too sad. Just normal. Although nothing seems out of the ordinary, I can feel something happening. I can feel life happening around me, to me. Make space in your life and things will happen. I love this idea. I love the idea that opportunities will arise if you make space for them. I don’t need to have all of the answers yet. I don’t even need to consciously know what I want yet. I just have to spend some time doing the things I like to do and make some space. Life will happen.
I know that I subconsciously manifest my dreams. Several times I have looked around at my life and realized that at some point earlier I had said that I would love to do that. Years ago I was driving through Vancouver and said, one day I will live here. Ten years later, I was on my way to work, living in Vancouver and I remembered that day ten years before. At the time I said that, I never thought I would live here. I never made it a goal. Yet somehow, I still made it happen. These things don’t just happen on their own. Maybe we subconsciously start to spend less time and energy on one thing and divert it to another. I don’t know. But there are a lot of experts who have written about it and I can see the evidence in my own life. What feels a bit crazy is that I can see it happening right now in my life.
Recently one of my friends said she was doing a vision board and asked if any of us wanted to join her. We all did and so we are all collecting together our magazines and clipping words or pictures that represent our goals and dreams. The last couple of days I have been thinking about my goals for 2022 and what I want to put on my vision board. Finding words and pictures to match those goals. I clipped the words to write “make space for new possibilities”. I have not even assembled them on a board yet. I don’t even have a board. But already I can feel life opening up. Space is becoming available. I want to write a book. Opportunities to take a few days to go and write are arising. The opportunities and changes are so subtle and at the same time so big. And they are happening so fast that it scares me. I want to shout “wait! I’m not ready yet! I haven’t even made my vision board! slow down!” Life is not like that though. It does not wait. You just have to get on board and ride with it sometimes.
I want to write a book. Life is presenting me with opportunities and I am taking them. What is funny is that I don’t really think of myself as a writer. Yes, I write for leisure and for my job. Up until recently, I did not think that made me a writer. Up until recently, I did not think I could write. Sure, I could write and publish scientific things, and sure, I started a blog, but I told myself it was not the same. Then, I read Brené Brown’s book, The gifts of imperfection, where she presents a pretty good argument on why we should be owning our titles even if we do not make a lot of money doing them and even if they are not our day job. It was then I decided to own the title of writer. I am a mom, a partner, a scientist, a writer, a designer. I am all of these things.
When I first started writing this blog, I was ashamed of what I wrote. It was hard to share the posts publicly. I would close my computer and not look at my blog for weeks after writing something. I still am a bit shy with my writing, but it is getting easier and easier. I am excited to see that people are reading it (thank you for reading it!). I am not afraid if people don’t like what I have to say.
I was driving in my car today with CBC on the radio, and Tom Power was speaking with Roger Mooking, who said life is amazing, you can do anything. He is right. We just need to believe in ourselves. To stop holding ourselves back. Roger also talked about building confidence by surrounding yourself with people who all bolster each other up. Over the last year my network of ladies is growing and we are becoming closer. I love how that is starting to happen, especially now when I, when we, all need it so much. I love how we are bolstering each other up. Supporting each other. Sharing. How the ties in my network are becoming stronger.
But still, some things are scary or hurt. The biggest achievements in my life are usually preceded by a traumatic shake up or big risks. My degrees, my move to Vancouver, came after a relationship breakdown. That was not easy. On the contrary, it was quite awful. I think a lot people can say that. That some of the best things have come from being broken apart.
Everything feels like it is coming together now. I am excited to go take my couple of days on my own to write. I will write a book. It will happen. There will be risks and maybe it will be a rough ride. But it is time to move forward. Lets go.
Thanks. Positivity is catchy. Go! Go! Go!